(cut to a Muppet News Room)

Newsman : Here's a bulletin from the Muppet newsroom. The space Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. (The News man throws his note and reads his next headline) Another Planetary news Venus is about to make a hard landing in the Muppet News room. (Newsman gets confused) That doesn't make sense!.........

(A Statue of Venus drops on the news desk)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

PIGS IN SPACE part 2

[Scene: the surface of the planet, Koozebane ]

Narrator's voice : When last we left our intrepid band, the spaceship Swine Trek was about to make a soft landing.

(SFX : Loud Crash. The crew stumbles out on the planet Koozebane.)

Luke : You call that a soft landing?
C-3PO : I sprained my celluloid's.
Link : Well you were in the driver’s chair. You forgot to push the stoppy-thing!
Miss Piggy : It’s called a brake, dummy.
C-3PO : Excuse me, Master Luke, but shouldn’t we be looking for a safe refuge on this planet?
Luke : Exactly right, 3P0.

(R2 beeps.)

Link : I know! We can hide in that cave over there!
Luke : Ahhh! A good plan!

(sinister music plays, and Dearth  Nadir appears out of the cave.)

Nadir (Gonzo) : Ha ha ha!
Miss Piggy : It’s...its Dearth  Nadir!
Luke : (sees puny little Dearth  Nadir) THIS is Dearth  Nadir?
Link : (frightened) Yes, isn’t he just icky?
Luke : Well, what do you want of us, Nadir? (Nadir just breathes loudly.) Well why don’t you say something? (Nadir keeps breathing...) Speak!

(Nadir walks up to Luke.)

Nadir (Gonzo) : Who’s your tailor? I love that outfit!

(Luke rolls his eyes.)

Luke : All right, Nadir! Take this! (pulls out his blaster and tries to shoot, but nothing happens.)
Nadir (Gonzo) : Ha ha ha ha ha!!! At last you know the awful truth! This here, my dear friend, is a crypto-anagon transmitter. (Nadir produces the crypto-anagon transmitter) It can totally neutralize any blaster.

(R2 beeps and moans.)

Luke : This means we must resort to the ultimate weapon!
Nadir (Gonzo) : (pretends to be scared) Oh! And oitsy toytsy what pray tell might that be?
Luke : Chewbacca the wookiee!!

(points to where Chewie comes out behind a rock. The Star Wars theme starts, Chewie roars and starts strangling Nadir. Everyone cheers.)

Nadir (Gonzo) : Chewbacca's escaped!..... Ah!......
Luke : The jig is up, nothing can stop good ol’ Chewie!
Nadir (Gonzo) : One thing can!
Luke : What’s that?
Nadir (Gonzo) : Angus McGonagle, the gargling gargle gargoyle!!

(Angus appears on stage gargling loudly, and everybody moans and covers their ears.)

Luke : Horrible! Trapped by Dearth  Nadir! Our weapons useless, and now we’re being tortured by gargling Gershwin! Ugh!! What could possibly get us outta this!?

(Kermit appears on stage.)

Kermit : What else? A song and dance number!

(music starts playing and all the Muppets sing "You are my lucky star")

Kermit : Okay that’s the song part. Now comes the dance! Take it, Chewie and R2!

(Chewie starts swaying back and forth while R2 spins around in circles.)

Kermit : C-3PO, you’re next!
C-3PO : I certainly don’t dance.
Kermit : Oh, but this is our big ending.
C-3PO : Oh all right.

(C-3PO starts to tap dance.)

C-3PO : Lucky I once saw a Fred Astire Film!

(C-3PO continues to tap dance.)

(SFX : Audience clapping)

Kermit : Okay that was really wonderful! Okay, ( Enters Luke clapping to C-3PO) Luke next!
Luke : Not me. I’ll go get my cousin.

(Luke walks off the stage)

Kermit : Huh? (Kermit & C-3PO satire each other and look at the camera)

(Mark appears in a tuxedo and starts singing all dramatically. SFX: Audience clapping. The Muppets join him and everyone sings “When you wish upon a star” and sways to and fro. A castle rises in the background and fireworks go off.)

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