[Scene: on the stage in front of the red curtain, Angus McGonagle walks on stage]

Angus McGonagle : Ah!, The stage is empty, my chance at last! Hit it boys!

(The band begins to play, McGonagle begins gargle Gershwin. Then enters Mark and joins McGonagle. Both of them stars to gargling, meanwhile at the wings Kermit watches them on stage and wants to stop the act, Animal wonders backstage and Kermit calls Animal and whispers in his ear)

Kermit : Animal, sick them!
Animal : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

(Animal runs on stage yelling, Animal scares off McGonagle and Mark off the stage and the music stops, Animal looks at the audience laughing)

Animal : Ha!.. ha!.. ha!.. ha!.. ha!, ha!, ha!, ha!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

( cuts: UK SKIT Song: "Three Little Fishes" - Green swimming creature, A Shark & some Fish)

( cuts to the audience clapping)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

[Scene: onstage, in front of that red curtain, Kermit walks on stage]

Kermit : Well folks, our own Scooter has prepared an act for us. Uh, he can’t play very well, but he’s worked really hard on it, and after listening to Mark and Angus Gershwin gargling, anything should sound good. But anyhow, so let’s give a big welcome to Scooter singing, "Six-string Orchestra"! Yeah!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

(Scooter sings and does his little number. Song: "Six String Orchestra" - Scooter with the Electric Mayhem)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

[Scene: backstage]

Kermit : Okay, let’s see. Next we have uh...

(Ender's Robin in a panic)

Robin : Uncle Kermit! Uncle Kermit!
Kermit : One second, Robin. One thing at a time. That’s how I’m able to pull off the show without falling into a panic. Next we have uh...Pigs in Space. Pigs in Space next, please. (looks at Robin) Now what was it?

Robin : I was trying to tell you that the Star Wars people have hijacked the Swine Trek!
Kermit : (panics and goes berserk) Wha-wha-what? They’ve hijacked the Swine Trek??? Ahh!! Ahhhh!!! (Runs off crazily)
Robin : (looks at the camera) Well, at least he didn’t panic.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

PIGS IN SPACE part 1

[Scene: outer space; interior of the Swine Trek]

Narrator's voice : And now, PIGS IN SPACE!!!!

(The pigs in space theme music plays in the background while a spaceship is seen flying around in space.)

Narrator's voice : The last time we saw the space ship, The Swine Trek, we hoped it would be the last time. But, its back.

(Luke, C-3PO, and R2-D2 are at the controls of the Swine Trek.)

Luke : 3PO, activate the navicomputer.
C-3PO : (disgusted) Eww! I’m not awfully keen of this spaceship, Master Luke. It’s so messy! Cakes, coffee, sandwiches...
Luke : Will you stop it! You don’t hear R2 complaining, do you?

(R2 beeps and moans.)

C-3PO : Yes I do. He just said it’s like a pigsty.

(Captain Link Hogthrob enters.)

Link : Hey, what’s going on here? I’m Captain Link Hogthrob, and this is my spaceship!
C-3PO : That explains everything.
Luke : Why don’t you let me explain. I’m Luke Skywalker. My friends and I have just borrowed your spaceship so we can rescue our friend Chewbacca the wookiee.

(Miss Piggy appears at the doorway and sees Luke.)

Miss Piggy : Mmm...! It’s Luke Skywalker! Ooo! What a heavenly body! I’ll go change. (she leaves)
Luke : Now is there anything else you’d like to know?
Link : Yes, I have one very important question I’d like to ask you.
Luke : What’s that?
Link : Who’s your tailor? I love that outfit!

(Dr. Julius Strangepork enters.)

Strangepork : Link! Link! What’s happening?
Link : I’ll explain later. Right now I’m talking to Luke.
Strangepork : Luke?
Link : (turns to Luke) Well perhaps if I give you my measurements...
Strangepork : Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hey, who are you? (looks at C-3PO)
C-3PO : I am C-3PO, and that is R2-D2.

(R2 beeps.)

Strangepork : I’m Dr. Strangepork.
C-3PO : Oh my! and I thought our names were weird.
Strangepork : Hey! Oh boy! Hot diggity dog son of a gun! Oh, boy! Oh look at that! Hey, could I play with your toy robot?

(Strangepork walks towards R2-D2)

C-3PO : He’s not a toy robot! He’s a scientifically programmed droid, and he is not to play with.
Strangepork : Ah come on, let me push just one button.
C-3PO : Don't be disgusting.

(Strangepork starts pressing some buttons on R2. R2 stars shakes and throws Strangepork across the room, and C-3PO catches him)

C-3PO : Well I did warn you.

(the camera moves to Luke and Link talking)

Link : Well you’ve got my jacket size.
Luke : (reads a notepad he’s writing on) 44 long. And your head size: (looks at the camera) 42 thick.

(Miss Piggy bursts in dressed like Princess Leia, hair buns and all, and runs to Luke.)

Miss Piggy : Luke! Luke! Luke! Luuuuke!!!! (she starts hugging him) It is I, the princess!
Luke : Princess?
Miss Piggy : Yes. I just escaped from the evil fiend who held me prisoner!
Luke : (chuckles) Well, the evil fiend must feed his prisoners well.
Miss Piggy : What?
Luke : Well, uh, what I mean is you’ve put on uh....
Miss Piggy : (pulls Luke down and threatens him) Look, Skywalker, go along with this or I’ll cut you in half.
Luke : (stands back up straight and pretends to be happy) Look! It’s the princess! (smiles and hugs Miss Piggy)
C-3PO : Doesn’t look like the princess to me.
Miss Piggy : Watch it, hardware.

(R2 beeps something.)

C-3PO: Master Luke, we’re about to make a landing. And look who’s there!

(sinister music plays, and Dearth Nadir, who surprisingly resembles Gonzo, appears in the view screen)

Everyone : Oh no! Dearth Nadir!
Luke & C-3PO : (turn to each other) who?
Narrator's voice : Stay tuned for part two when the Swine Trek lands on Koozebain and we learn the true identity of this archfiend.
Nadir(Gonzo) : (looks at the camera) the world will never know!

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